So I have noticed a disturbing trend amongst the pregnancy community...a severe lack of male inclusion. I first noticed this phenomena even before we knew we were having triplets. Since Julie has always been the "less enthusiastic" of the two of us regarding children and I'm the natural researcher in the family, I found myself reading all of the pregnancy books after we found out we were pregnant. Yes I said "we". You see that is the problem. After breezing through the usual "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and "Planning Your Pregnancy", I told Julie how perturbed I was to see that very little attention was given to the father's role in the pregnancy.
I don't know if the books are just trying to be politically correct by not assuming that a father will be involved in the pregnancy or if it is just a given in our culture today that all men are selfish and lazy creatures who will have to be bribed into helping out with the babies and/or other housework during and after the pregnancy. Call me crazy but I guess I assume that most (yes I realize not all) men have at least some vague concept of what they are getting into when they have a baby (or three).
For example, the following is an actual quote from WTEWYE regarding recovery after a C-Section: "You'll need plenty of help. Paid help is best for the first week at home, but if that's not possible, make sure someone (your spouse, mother, another relative, or a friend) is around to lend a hand." Seriously? Paid help is the first recommendation? Maybe I should suggest that to Julie so that I can stay home and play video games all day when she gets home from the hospital.
Things got even more sexist once we found out we were having triplets. After we got that news I quickly realized that everything I had read up to that point was basically useless. Therefore I rushed out and picked up several more books including the two most popular multiples books - "When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads" and "The Everything Twins, Triplets and More Book". Again, a severe lack of any indication that a man was going to at all be involved in the baby production process other than some lines about how women should not be afraid to ask their husbands to help out around the house when they are on bedrest. All I could picture while reading those parts was a man standing in the living room of his house, completely helpless, dirty dishes in the sink, empty hamburger wrappers on the floor, and unwashed laundry piled on top of the washing machine, saying "Babe, how do I turn off the lights?".
Meanwhile I discovered another interesting multiples pregnancy educational tool - the memoir. I was not surprised to find that numerous people had written memoirs about their trials and tribulations raising multiples. What I was surprised to find out was that only 1 of the roughly gazillion memoirs was written by a man - and even he was a stay at home dad. How ridiculous is that? Are men really that uninvolved in the raising of children or is there some other nefarious scheme at work. I would propose that there is actually a conspiracy amongst mothers to keep men out of the child rearing sphere of influence. While this idea will be shockingly radical to many of you, please check back for the second part of this series which will lay out even more evidence...
I haven't heard very much good about What to Expect When You're Expecting but I don't think the gender bias is particular to that book, unfortunately. This is a legitimate problem that you've noticed and it only perpetuates negative stereotypes against men and in some populations the mindset that fathers don't really have to be as involved as mothers. This is a big problem in situations when the mother and father don't live in the same house and parental involvement is already at a mismatch. Dad shows up one or two days a year with a toy truck and feels like a hero while mom is working 365 days a year to raise the kid. Society lets him too much off the hook.
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